


A Brief History Of Collateral Damage

by FallenRichardBrook



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 08:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3844471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenRichardBrook/pseuds/FallenRichardBrook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Warning: Includes slight swearing)</p><p>Does anyone ever think about what happens after the Superheroes fought their Villains? Often whole cities get destroyed...but who has to take care of the destruction? <br/>Accompany Stan Havoc, an average insurance worker, and find out what it´s like to live with the collateral damage of the great "Heroes".</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Brief History Of Collateral Damage

 

Stan Havoc was an average person: In his early 30s, calm and caring personality, brown spiky hair, green-brownish eyes, body height of 1,77m (~5' 8"). ...actually he was almost boringly average.

He had a young, beautiful wife, Sarah, an adorable six year old daughter, Catelyn,and a secure job at an insurance company;

"American Freedom Safety Inc."

  
They offered various insurances: For persons, cars, houses and almost anything that could be damaged in one or another way.   
He didn't sell them himself, his job was those of a contact person for victims. Stan's days always followed the same pattern: Kiss wifey goodbye, hug your child, drive to work, receive calls and paperwork, answer all of them, drive to the clients to check how big the damage is and whether it is a fraud or not.

(The last two steps were repeated various times, shortly interrupted by a nice home-made lunch from 12am-01pm.) 

Finish work around 7pm, drive home, help your child with her homework, bring her to bed at 8, spend time with your wife.

  
It was a daily routine, but he loved it that way and never intended to make anything differently. ...that was however before he had to move to New York.

 

" _You'll see dear, it won't be anything different to live in the city!_ " Stan gave his wife a soft kiss on the cheek, drawing a small smile from her, before both of them continued unpacking the large moving boxes.

" _Maybe it is a little bit louder, but also more lively! Mr. Densel really needed someone to fill in the free position in New York. ...and we can certainly make use of the extra money._ "  
Sarah nodded shortly, she wasn't quite happy about the new situation. It wasn't herself she worried about, but their daughter. She would have preferred Catelyn to grow up in a calm and child-friendly environment. ...but they really needed the money and although Stan didn't seem notice that, his boss was a horrible person who most likely would have fired him, would he have declined the job offer.

" _I'm sure you're right,_ " she sighed " _I just need a little bit time to get used to the new surroundings. One thing irritates me though, what happened to your predecessor? I mean the salary is nice and most people would literally murder for a job in NYC._ "

" _They said he quit for personal reasons, I assume health problems. ...anyways stop worrying, love! Everything will be great, right?_ "

Wrong.

 

  
The next day started as all the others did: After getting himself ready for work, Stan kissed his wife goodbye, happily hugged his daughter and entered his car to get to his office. ...he was quite confused though when he reached an, as he has been told, usually busy street that was all empty.                                                                                   This wasn't however the only thing out of the ordinary: the street looked like a tornado would have made its way through; damaged cars were standing beside the road, countless buildings had damaged windows or worse and on one side of the road there was a giant hole in the asphalt. Not having the time to find out what has happened, he decided to ask somebody later on.

 

When Stan arrived at the building of his company, he shot a satisfied glance up to the company's slogan decorating the facade.

"American Freedom Safety Inc. -You are only as free as your insurance allows you to be"

The moving was quite stressful, so he couldn't wait to have his normal, daily routine back. After a small chat with Mr. Densel he was led to his new office and within seconds he loved it: It was a small room with simple furniture and a big window-front instead of a wall, right behind his desk. His boss had shown him where he could pick up the incoming cases and files, so he instantly went to work.  
Some cases where still left-overs from his predecessor and already filled out in forms, so he decided to start with them.

 

So far it was nothing out of the usual; the first case was a damaged Ford Fiesta; crashed windows, major damage on the body, defect engine...basically full damage.   
What irritated him though was that no reason for the accident was listed? Quickly he dialed the number and waited for the client to pick up.

" _Ah yes, hello Mr. Fletcher, this is Stan Havoc from AFSI, I had some questions regarding the form you filled out; it's lacking the field for the accident's cause._ " He couldn't believe what he heard.

" _I'm sorry, did you...sorry, what...ehrm...alright Mr. Fletcher. Are you at home now? ...okay could I stop by and take a look at the car? ...great, thank you, I will be there in a few minutes._ "

Stan hung up and stared at the phone in utter confusion this..this was ridiculous.  
Quickly he decided that it was certainly some sort of misunderstanding that would be cleared as soon as he took a look at the car and spoke with Mr. Fletcher in person.

Well, wrong again.

 

 

With puzzled looks he eyed the whole car for the third time now. There was no doubt that it was completely damaged, just as stated in the file. The nature of the damage however was far away from anything he ever had seen: the windows crashed, the wheels burst …but the only visible indication of an impact was a bump in the car roof.   
The **ROOF**.   
And it wasn’t a small, normal one; it looked like a rock would have crashed on the car.

The only thing weirder than the demolition, was the owner's explanation.

Stan turned around to the impatient man with a skeptic face.

“ _So, you say a human-sized spider crashed your car_.”

“ _No, no it was **Spiderman!**_ ”

“ _Spider…man._ ”

“ _Yes, the superhero! He used it as shield when he fought this lizard! He just made this swoosh-web thing and grabbed ny car, the next thing I see he had pulled it in front of him and the Lizard-guy punched this giant bump in the roof!_ ”

“ _A superhero…and he fought a giant **Lizard**._ ”

Mr. Fletcher nodded excitedly, while Stan couldn’t do anything but doubt the man’s sanity. Probably he had taken some nice, colorful pill with the letters LSD on them.

“ _Alright, if Spiderman damaged your car it was a case of vandalism. We need his contact data and the name of his insurance company, best thing would be if you…_ ”

The man couldn’t have been looking more perplex would Stan have asked him to shapeshift into a hamster.

“ _ **It is Spiderman!** Nobody knows his real identity! You did see him in the news, didn’t you!?_ ”

No, Stan didn’t. He thought watching TV to be a waste of brain cells and the only newspaper he had regularly read so far was the local one of his old home-village, he didn´t listen to the Radio either. With a polite nod he tried to calm down his client a bit.

“ _Alright, Mr. Fletcher. I’ll drive back to my office then and as soon as we finished everything, you will receive a call._ "  
The first thing he did when he was in his office; putting the case Fletcher **under** the stack of documents on his desk. For today he had enough of weirdness, so he’d take care of it later on.

 

A few seconds later the first call came in.

" _Yes, hello AFSI, Stan Havoc, how can I help you?_ ”

With every word the client, a Mrs. Hyde, said, Stan’s face went paler. Eager to do his job, no matter how weird it was, he took notes with almost shaking hands.

“ _Could you please repeat this? …okay… a certain **Deathpole** …ah sorry, **Deadpool** yes of course…and he cut your TV in slices with a **catamaran**? **Katana,** sorry. **Two Katanas** of course. I…I will visit you tomorrow to have a look at the case if convenient. Thank you, have a nice day._ ”

He hung up and stared at the phone with a horrified expression: what was wrong with the people in this city? When the phone suddenly started ringing again, he almost had a heart attack.

 

“ _Pleas, let it be something normal, please let it be something normal…_ “ he muttered like a prayer before answering the call.

" _Hello, AFSI, how can I help you? …a hawk shot through your window? Oh, a Hawkeye! Wait, what?_ ”

 

It went on like this for hours and the first time in forever Stan couldn’t wait for the end of the day. A few minuter before the official end of his shift, a last call came in and he answered it with rarely any hope.

“ _AFSI, what do you need?_  
 _...The incredible **WHAT** crashed through your roof!?_”

 

A few weeks passed by and things got...well not normal, but Stan got sort of used to his job. Receiving phone calls from people telling him that Deadpool slayed their car or people showing him their completely destroyed house that has been smashed by some Norse god didn´t shock him anymore.

Yet the calm and friendly man slowly turned more temperamental; What was wrong with those asshole heroes??

Destroying like half the city in the progress of fighting some villain; couldn't they lure them in some old factory halls or something before starting shit? One day he would receive an opportunity to tell this "heroes" what he thought about their " _secret identity_ ". ...and he did.

 

It was a particularly stressful day, some sort of weird destroy-everything-monster had attacked NYC the previous day and Spiderman and him had done some massive destruction around the place. He didn´t even have the time for his break because phone calls were coming in without a break. It was already becoming dark outside, when he suddenly heard a loud bump from outside the building.

With a nervous feeling Stan carefully opened a part of the large window...and was stunned when he saw the figure on the wall right next to him: Spiderman.   
_**Spiderman was "sitting" on his wall.** _  
Glancing down at the road, not even realizing that he has been noticed.  
Anger boiled up in Stan and before the " _hero_ " had a chance to escape, he had packed him and dragged him inside his office, slamming the window shut.

" _Hey, hey what are you doing! Wait, no need to... **outch**!_ " He was wriggling and cursing, looking at Stan with a, as he assumed since he could hardly see his expression due to the mask, puzzled expression.

 

" _You are Spiderman, correct?_ " His voice was calm, lacking any sign of emotion.

" _Uh, yeah. Alright, I don´t know what this is about... and I actually don´t have the time for a chat right now, so if you could.._."

" _I am Stan, Stan Havoc. Do you know this building?_ "

Without waiting for an answer he continued, luckily it was Spiderman he got hold of and nobody dangerous; Peter Parker didn´t want to harm civilians, so he just waited for what was to come from this Stan-guy.

" _This is AFSI; We sell insurances_. . _.a **ND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING HARD OUR JOB IS BECAUSE OF YOU DAMN SUPERHEROES.** YOU SMASH CARS, YOU DESTROY BUILDINGS AND STREETS I DON´T EVEN WANT TO MENTION HOW MANY THINGS YOU DESTROYED SOLEYLY YESTERDAY AND..._ "   
Spiderman started to appear increasingly horrified.

" _..DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOUR OH-SO-IMPORTANT SECRET IDENTITY IS. LIKE WE CAN´T EVEN CONTACT YOUR INSURANCE TO GET ALL THE MONEY BACK OUR COMPANY USES THROUGH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS!_

_YES, ESPECIALLY THIS DEADPOOL GUY, HE SEEMS TO ENJOY DEMOLISHING FOREIGN PROPERTY, DOESN´T HE!? I USED TO LOVE MY JOB MR.AWESOME SPIDER GUY, BUT NO; I COME TO NEW YORK AND WHAT DO I FIND? A BUNCH OF IGNORANT ASSHOLES THAT KEEPS DESTROYING THE CITY AND DOES NOT TAKE RESPONSIBIITY FOR THEIR DOING._

_COME ON MAN, DO YOU EVEN HAVE AN INSURANCE? WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR ALL THE STUFF YOU MESS UP? YOU DON´T REALLY THINK, THAT YOU CAN LIVE LIKE THIS, DO YOU? LETTING OTHERS SUFFER BECAUSE YOU CAN´T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!_

_IF YOU AT LEAST WOULD HAVE AN INSURANCE CONTACT TO PAY FOR THE DAMAGE, I MEAN NOBODY EXPECTS YOU TO PAY EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN, SO THIS WOULD BE THE LEAST YOU COULD DO!_

**_I_** _ **RONMAN AT LEAST PAYS FOR THE STUFF HE DESTROYS,** BUT NO HE´S THE ONLY ONE TO EVER FREAKIN' DO SO, AND NO..._ "

Scared that the outraged man would continue, and he definitely gave appearance to intend continuing, Peter took the only chance of escape he had: _through the closed window_ , flinging himself of the building. His escape was accompanied by a deafening scream.

" ** _OH NO MY WINDOW! WHO DO THINK IS GONNA PAY FOR THAT, SPIDERASS?!!_** " ...alright, Stan really needed some vacation.

 

Thought, done; a week later Stan had almost recovered from his little collapse during Spiderman´s involuntary visit.

He had taken a few days off, spent the time with Sarah and their daughter Catelyn, relaxing and trying to get rid of the previous months´ stress. It did wonders to his mood; he was calm and well-balanced again. Stan didn´t like TV, Radio or similar things and during his free time, the whole family had decided to keep as far away from any News as possible to keep the hero-topic out of their house.

Yet on his last evening off work, Sarah could convince Stan to spend some time watching TV, as she thought it may help distracting him. . **..bad idea.**

  
It was evening, Stan was sitting in front of the TV with a satisfied face and a glass bottle coke in his hand, zapping through the channels until he finally found an interesting one. A little bit later the clock stroke 7 and the news started .

....his bottle fell to the ground, shattered pieces of glass covering the floor.

His face went first pale white, then back to normal and then to bright red. A low pitched scream left his mouth, alarming his wife who rushed into the room with a startled expression.

" _STAN! Darling what happened, are you okay, what...._ " then her glance fell on the TV.

 

" _...we still await a statement of the Avengers. After their battle with a foreign species of, what many assume to be aliens, a large part of Manhattan has been destroyed. Countless buildings had been damaged and there is no trace of the "heroes" who caused all the destruction. Eyewitnesses report...._ "

 

**Author's Note:**

> I´m not sure in which order "The Amazing Spiderman" and "The Avengers" take place, (or how many time passed by in between those two) but both got released in 2012...I just decided to handle it like this to make things easier.


End file.
